Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Letter to my Mother

I'm trying to decide if I should give this to her before she goes on her silent retreat this weekend. It's important to realize that nothing but a fight will probably come of this letter. She will try to scream at me, I will walk away, she will ignore me for several days then call me time after time and pretend like nothing happened. I've been down the same exact road more than once with her. It hurts me more and more to know that she talks about me and puts me down to the Queen B. Having my own daughters now I really don't get it. I couldn't ever do that to them. With the holidays coming up I want things to be enjoyable for the entire family. I'm beginning to think that means that Hubby and I will arrange to see my family when my lil bro and the Queen B aren't there.

Dear Mom,

I write this with a sad and heavy heart. I have hesitated to bring this up with you for the past year because I am scared of the outcome. First I want you to know how much I love you. I would do anything for you and try to always be there for you. Queen B and I are not friends and have a mutual dislike for one another. It is not me, my actions or in actions, it is a mutual feeling. We are not alike in anyway. I have tried and tried and tried again to be sweet, nice & polite to Queen B. These favors have never been returned by her.

What hurts me is that you consistently make comments to me on the sly, like you have seen & complained about your own Mother doing, about how I am to blame for the faulty or negative relationship. You have put me down to Queen B, by talking with her about me. I don't know if you do this to make Queen B feel comfortable, to get her to like you more or what reason you have. It just feels wrong to me. As a Mother of 2 daughters I cannot imagine the day that I would not stand up for them first and foremost. That is what hurts me the most. I love you so much and feel hurt and wonder what I have done to make you feel that I am always in the wrong. It seems you are blind to the things Queen B does or does not do to me and more importantly to my daughters.

While on our trip to Panama City Beach, Queen B did not acknowledge or speak to myself or Dh (unless asked a direct question) or even to G. And in fact on the last day there G was in her way, and told Dh to "Please move her"You have also put down Best Friend to Queen B. Why and how is that ok? When we have family events you stick to Queen B like glue & often whisper to her and make eyes at her if I say something that Queen B a doesn't agree with. Why, how? I am your flesh & blood. I may not always do or say the right thing with Queen B, but the things I do are not recognized by you. It is funny to me how can talk about Your Mother, My Father, Brother & I like we are nothing, yet can never find anything negative to say about Queen B.

You help Dh and I survive and for that we are eternally grateful. You love my daughters and are wonderful with & to them. Why is it that I am always to be blamed when it comes to Queen B's & my relationship? Why is it that she does no wrong in your eyes? I love you so much & am so grateful for the person you are, for all that you do to enable me to be a stay at home mom & for the wonderful Grammy you are to G & K. This is one small issue that hurts me. I really hope this doesn't cause a huge or small fight between us. I want to be able to resolve it & go on and not have a huge blowout.


  1. Read over it a million times before giving it to her, but you should and MUST bring this issue up if you ever hope to fix it. Good luck, I will pray for a beautiful outcome! I hope you and your brother are speaking again!

  2. Arpil~I'm not sure what to do with the letter. When I first wrote it I was determined to give it to her. Now I'm not so sure. The thing is I'm pretty sure no good will come of it. I've talked with my Dad and my Aunt (Mom's sister) and let them both read it. And knowing my Mom like they do neither of them think any good will come of it. It's such a hard situation. I really just have to focus on praying for patience and peace so I can let it go and it will stop hurting my feelings.

    My bro and I are still not talking. I've reached out a few times andd he has not responded. It's crazy. I would never dreamed this would happen between him and I. We grew up as best friends too. I'm 4 years older than him. We were always so close. It's just sad. Thanks for all the prayers. You Rock!!!