Thursday, August 12, 2010


Now I know why AF was taking her time....

BFP yesterday morning!!!

It's still very early and we're only about 3 weeks along, but we're excited!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Dear AF

Dear AF,
I hate you.  Especially when you tease me and make me think you are not coming.  It's not nice.  Especially when you pick this month to leave 2 of my good friends for a long time.  One is a best friend.  Now I feel weird.  I really hate you!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Last week (10/28) hubby and I celebrated 3 years of marriage. He took off the day before and the day of our anniversary and we had 2 of the best days ever. We had planned to go somewhere as a family and because of money concerns didn't go out of our town, but he got to come to story hour with us, and we went to a park, where a really loooong train went by while DD1 was watching and the conductor waved at her and blew the horn for her. She loved it. Seriously they were the best 2 days ever. That night I lay in bed so thankful for all that I had and so happy...but I was also waiting, I felt like we'd had soo many good times lately that the shoe had to drop...

Wow, I don't know if it was intuition or what but I've had a rough week. ***I just want to say that I'm healthy, my husband is healthy and the girls are healthy which would mean a great and awesome week for soo many people and that I'm so thankful for that. Seriously I am the only one who sits and reads the heartbreaking blogs of Moms who have lost pregnancies, babies and children and just crys and then goes to hold my little ones?*** A big shout out to one of my online friends who lost her 2nd pregnancy this week--my week doesn't even compare to that. (((HUGS)) & prayers to her.

I'm just having a week of so many silly little things going wrong. Hubby and I are having an "off" week as well. Are we the only ones who go through these times? Before we ever got married we talked about weeks, months and even years like this and decided that we were in in for the long haul. We both knew weeks like this would come up, but they still suck. There isn't even anything in particular going on, no big fights. Just little things. It seems as if the weeks that I need more and become more needy of him he shuts down and doesn't know how to be there and it turns into a cycle.

Would love to write more now, but DD2 is crying and DD1 must be fed.

Oh and I didn't give my mom the letter. After listening to some people close to me I just decided it wasn't worth it. My mom has been like this my entire life and isn't going to change. I am really going to have to work on changing my reactions to her. That is all I can control. Easy to say right now, lol!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Letter to my Mother

I'm trying to decide if I should give this to her before she goes on her silent retreat this weekend. It's important to realize that nothing but a fight will probably come of this letter. She will try to scream at me, I will walk away, she will ignore me for several days then call me time after time and pretend like nothing happened. I've been down the same exact road more than once with her. It hurts me more and more to know that she talks about me and puts me down to the Queen B. Having my own daughters now I really don't get it. I couldn't ever do that to them. With the holidays coming up I want things to be enjoyable for the entire family. I'm beginning to think that means that Hubby and I will arrange to see my family when my lil bro and the Queen B aren't there.

Dear Mom,

I write this with a sad and heavy heart. I have hesitated to bring this up with you for the past year because I am scared of the outcome. First I want you to know how much I love you. I would do anything for you and try to always be there for you. Queen B and I are not friends and have a mutual dislike for one another. It is not me, my actions or in actions, it is a mutual feeling. We are not alike in anyway. I have tried and tried and tried again to be sweet, nice & polite to Queen B. These favors have never been returned by her.

What hurts me is that you consistently make comments to me on the sly, like you have seen & complained about your own Mother doing, about how I am to blame for the faulty or negative relationship. You have put me down to Queen B, by talking with her about me. I don't know if you do this to make Queen B feel comfortable, to get her to like you more or what reason you have. It just feels wrong to me. As a Mother of 2 daughters I cannot imagine the day that I would not stand up for them first and foremost. That is what hurts me the most. I love you so much and feel hurt and wonder what I have done to make you feel that I am always in the wrong. It seems you are blind to the things Queen B does or does not do to me and more importantly to my daughters.

While on our trip to Panama City Beach, Queen B did not acknowledge or speak to myself or Dh (unless asked a direct question) or even to G. And in fact on the last day there G was in her way, and told Dh to "Please move her"You have also put down Best Friend to Queen B. Why and how is that ok? When we have family events you stick to Queen B like glue & often whisper to her and make eyes at her if I say something that Queen B a doesn't agree with. Why, how? I am your flesh & blood. I may not always do or say the right thing with Queen B, but the things I do are not recognized by you. It is funny to me how can talk about Your Mother, My Father, Brother & I like we are nothing, yet can never find anything negative to say about Queen B.

You help Dh and I survive and for that we are eternally grateful. You love my daughters and are wonderful with & to them. Why is it that I am always to be blamed when it comes to Queen B's & my relationship? Why is it that she does no wrong in your eyes? I love you so much & am so grateful for the person you are, for all that you do to enable me to be a stay at home mom & for the wonderful Grammy you are to G & K. This is one small issue that hurts me. I really hope this doesn't cause a huge or small fight between us. I want to be able to resolve it & go on and not have a huge blowout.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Sad kind of day

I'm having a sad kind of day. I really miss my brother. We got into a little facebook chat argument 2 weeks ago and he hasn't talked to me since. Really our relationship hasn't been the same since the Queen B came into his life, but that's another story. Anyway 2 weeks ago--the Monday after K's baptism I put some pictures up on fb. Of dh's and my wedding. I tagged everyone in them and then it came to the Queen B's pictures. I knew no matter what I did it would be wrong. If I didn't tag her it would be me being bitchy, yet if I tagged her she wouldn't like it. I tagged her and not 10 minutes later I get an email from my brother telling me she didn't like those pictures of herself and wanted me to remove the tag so no one would see them. (1 of these was actually a picture of me and her from my wedding that I put up trying to be nice)

Anyway my feelings were hurt, Queen B didn't care, of course, and in the end I typed to him in all caps, ITS A GD TWO WAY STREET. Somehow in our family it is ok for the Queen B to be, well, a Queen B, and everyone else is supposed to just accept it.

I've been really emotional the past few days anyway. I'm wondering if I'm about to start my cycle again. I've had cramping the past few days and some other symptoms (GOBS of EWCM).

There have also been major Mom issues and Mom dealing with her Mom issues today. Will have to go into those later...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Is this for real???

This makes me sick!

Interracial couple denied marriage license
La. justice of the peace cites concerns about any children couple might have

I don't have the time or the energy to go into it any further right now. Don't even know if I should bother. All I can say is that it really makes me sick. Who is this person to decide something like that.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wordless Wednesdsay: Pro Life Sunday

Dear Daughter #1's
From the
6 Weeks after conception:

7 Weeks after Conception:
11 Weeks after Conception:
12 Weeks After Conception:

22 Weeks After Conception

28 Weeks After Conception: